Amanda Stoddard, Certified Peer Supporter, discusses her journey from coping with childhood trauma to starting a healing journey and aiding others in healing as a peer supporter. Hosted by Katie Bachmeyer.
Topics:
- Amanda's experiences of emotional neglect
- Transformative healing process and overcoming guilt and shame
- Finding support in unlikely places
- Healthy coping skills for dissociation
- The role of community and peer support in recovery
Just Like Me is a monthly podcast about youth resilience, recovery, and peer support told one real story at a time. Each episode follows one young person’s journey, revealing how connection, creativity, and community can transform pain into purpose. These are not stories about healing—they are healing. Because when one of us finds our way forward, it lights the path for the rest of us.
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TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00]
amanda: I spent most of my life beating myself up. Spent most of my life being my own worst enemy and not continuing that cycle is really, is really what helps me push my growth .
Hey, thanks for listening to the Just Like Me Podcast. In peer support, we are not talking about revisiting the past or projecting our experiences onto others. It's really about showing somebody else what's possible. And with grace and honesty and a great sense of humor, Amanda shares how she went from surviving her own childhood trauma to building a life that's rooted in agency joy and community.
Let's dive in.
katie: Okay, so we're gonna start here with a reflection question and tell me if it's getting too deep just to, okay.
So Amanda, tell me, you know, if you could take a look back at who you were at maybe [00:01:00] age seven.
amanda: Oof. You had to pick the number seven, didn't you? Oh.
katie: um, is that, is that Triggering, is that a bad number?
amanda: No, that's, I mean, yes, but no, not for me. I've, I've talked about it so much at this point that
katie: I'm okay.
Okay. All right. Um, what would you say, what would you say to the
amanda: child, Amanda?
So funny because I was actually thinking about this this morning on my way into work. I would say that everything's going to be okay and that you may not feel safe right now, but one day you will, and one day everything will make a lot more sense and you will have all the tools that you need to really thrive and not just survive, but it's okay to just do what you have to do to survive right now, and you are not in trouble.
katie: Um, can you share a little bit about what you felt like at as a child that that really wasn't emotionally [00:02:00] available to you at that time?
amanda: I think there was, um, not a lot of emotional availability at all at the time when I was a child. Um, maslow's hierarchy of needs if we're looking at that, I really got the roof over my head and the food on my plate, but there were not a lot of, I love yous, I'm proud of yous.
Um, there wasn't a lot of, physical hugs or things like that, that I was really able to find comfort in, they may have existed, but they felt very empty for me. And I think that was due in part to the general, like emotional disconnection that I was feeling at the time. And it really kind of felt like I was on an island by myself a lot of the times.
Uh, a lot of times when like I wasn't feeling good or I was scared or like I needed that kind of comfort, um, I really had to provide that for myself in a lot of ways. And yeah, it was, it was, it was difficult, but I found a lot [00:03:00] of really good support in animals and my dog at the time in music and in journaling.
So where I didn't have that like emotional availability from my caregivers, I did find ways to try and get those needs met. Just really, it kind of happened really naturally.
katie: Would you say then that your, healing journey also happened naturally from the time that you maybe were a teenager on as you started to kind of develop your own life?
Can you share a little bit about how your healing journey began and what your maybe impetus for beginning that journey was?
amanda: Yeah. I think that, you know, most of my life I didn't realize was happening, um, was abnormal. I wasn't really aware of, you know, the emotional neglect. I wasn't aware of the struggles that I was experiencing as a child.
I kind of [00:04:00] just, part of me was feeling really guilty all the time because it was happening to me and I felt like it was. A part of what I was doing, um, which is why I said you're not in trouble. Uh, because there was a lot of shame and a lot of guilt wrapped up in a lot of, um, my experiences as a child.
And so I, and part of them I didn't even remember until I was in about middle school. A lot of these things came back to the surface, and that's really when my healing journey began, was when those memories, those very painful, traumatic memories came to the surface. Um, that was really when I kind of hit rock bottom in a way due in part, to me, trying to find ways to cope. I did that in a lot of very unhealthy ways, and I think all of the really unhealthy ways that I decided to cope really kind of led me to the more healthier ways and really kind of led me to a path where I had to look at myself in the mirror and be like, is this the life that you [00:05:00] wanna live?
Is this who you wanna continue to be? And I think the negative people in my life and around me, my friends were always wonderful. It was mainly negative adults. Kind of my inspiration to become healthy and to get better because I looked at all of these people around me who were supposed to keep me safe and keep themselves safe and be a positive influence in my life.
And I told myself, I don't wanna be like those people when I grow up. Like I don't want this to continue to be what I do. I don't wanna do this for the rest of my life. And so I really had to fight tooth and nail for that stability for myself and for that healthy coping and to really navigate through the, the system, through therapists, through psychiatrists, and just really fight until I found what, what worked, who works for me. And it was a blog post that I found from a woman when I was 13 that really kind of [00:06:00] solidified for me that, okay, what I'm going through isn't abnormal. What I'm going through is something that happens sometimes to people, and I think me reading that and filing that away, and when I decided I wanted to stop unhealthily coping and start healthfully coping, I really kind of remembered that.
It kind of came back to me like a, that's a Raven vision of, well, this lady said she did A, B, and c. When she was really struggling with repression and all of that stuff happened to her, and I use that as an anchor for myself. And I use that as a, I'm not alone and I have a toolbox here and this is what I can do moving forward.
And if I'm always doing what I can do, then I can't say that I didn't at least try. And if this is it for me, then great, but I'm always gonna keep trying.
katie: Hmm. And that motivation, [00:07:00] that desire to keep trying is, is definitely evident today in just your continued healing journey and your, your, the work that you do as a peer supporter.
And it, it comes to mind of what you had said earlier is the idea that other shadow are not my reflection, um, but that you were not willing to let the unhealthy coping mechanisms of the people, adults around you become your life destiny, you know, become your destiny. Um, exactly. And, and being able to find a resource online was, I love how you said you filed that away.
That was, that was something you held onto as like, okay, this is a story of somebody who gets it, right? Mm-hmm.
amanda: Yeah. And at the time too, I didn't have the resources. I felt like I didn't have the resources at 13 years old to do all the things [00:08:00] that she said that you could do. So I was like, okay, this is too big for me in this moment, but it's so great to feel seen and it was just the validation that I needed because I went to a really dark place of this is gonna be my entire life for the rest of my life. I don't know how I'm ever going to get through this. To wow somebody else got through it. When I have the opportunity and when I have the availability of the tools, that's gonna be me.
we're gonna take a pause here and drop into Amanda's day-to-day as a peer supporter here she is as she starts her morning the way she always does with a little bit of coffee and sense of humor.
let's see, what do we want Today we have medium roast French vanilla, Pete's medium roast Dunkin's, fresh vanilla, Tim Horton's decaf.
I'm feeling really anxious today.
So I am going to do decaf
I don't wanna overstimulate my, my nervous system at all. [00:09:00] So enjoy the as MR of the Keurig coffee machine.
katie: When you started to apply some of that A, B, C of what the blog had mentioned, can you walk through some of the steps that that took for you to be able to address it in real time and how you've gotten to where you are today? Sort of what that, that dance has looked like.
amanda: A lot of trial and error.
It didn't happen easily. There was a bunch of stumbles and missteps along the way. And I think it's difficult for me as well because growing up I really genuinely did not think that I would make it past 18 years old. So anything me past 18 is kind of just stumbling along, trying to figure out life as I go.
Um, but it really did come to a head and reach to a point like I said, where I was just over it. Like I was over struggling, I was over suffering. I was over like, feeling like I was [00:10:00] just tied to my bed and I couldn't leave. And that's when the blog post really came to me, like a download. I was like, oh my gosh.
Okay. And then luckily at that time, more internet resources were available to me, and so after a lot of struggle, a lot of, you know dancing with negative coping tactics. I was able to start doing research and a lot of that was led to fruition by my parents who were unable to change, unable to be moved, unable to be convinced of anything other than what they already believed.
They were so stubborn and I was so unheard by them for all of my life that what really, really was the guiding force was. How can I make sure people never feel the way that I feel? And with that, you know, writing was always an anchor for me the whole time. I mean, I will say that it saved my life time and time and time [00:11:00] again.
So a lot of researching what I was experiencing, what I was going through, a lot of writing, a lot of poetry. My teachers were really, really. Influential and they were, they were really great at helping me realize the potential that I had.
katie: Can you share? Yeah, just can you share a story about one of your teachers and like in what way they, they were able to step in, because I think you hear that a lot with trauma recovery, that if there's one positive, safe, mm-hmm adult in your life, that can mean all the difference to somebody. And so knowing that as an adult where we can step in and be there for our children, it's like sometimes we don't take that as seriously, but it is sometimes the one factor that makes all the difference. So who is that teacher um, specifically?
amanda: Yeah. I do wanna give a shout out to Sarah Dennis. She's amazing. I was really at kind of a breaking point where I was deciding whether I should continue to heal or if you know I should go [00:12:00] the complete other way and it was hard for me to get to school, but that creative writing class that I took was something that made me excited to get up in the morning and, and go do something bigger than myself.
It just really made me excited about living again and she really saw me, you know, that whole class really did, to be honest. I would share my pieces and people would come up to me and be like, that was so good.
Like, thank you for sharing that. Like I felt that way too, like I can't believe somebody else would like share that in class. So thank you so much for doing that. And so being able to have that opportunity in that creative writing class and for her to be such a safe space for me to feel okay with sharing those things with her and with the class in general was so powerful for me because a lot of my life, I just wanted to be heard. And I just wanted my voice to be a value of to somebody somewhere. And in that [00:13:00] class with Ms. Dennis, that happened almost every time and it really, really changed the trajectory for me.
katie: When you talk about progress today, because I know we're never done healing, right?
amanda: Absolutely not.
katie: What would you say progress is for you on a day, day-to-day basis?
amanda: I see progress all the time in myself and it's so cool to see. You know, it's so interesting because if you would've told me this in high school, that just changing the way that I speak to myself internally, is really, really important to your healing process.
Like I would've been like go away. and Way too simple. Right, exactly. What are you talking about? And it's just so funny 'cause I started with changing the way that I speak to myself and instead speaking to myself as if I am that [00:14:00] 7-year-old, or if I am that 13-year-old or 16-year-old, or 18-year-old.
Of like, when I spill things, I don't call myself an idiot anymore. I don't project the voice of my parents. I instead go like, oh, you're so silly. Accidents happen. Like it's not a big deal.
Because shame is such a huge, huge part of childhood trauma and struggle and dealing with your mental health and, you know, it's, it's so ingrained in every facet of our lives. That I did not want to continue the shame cycle. I didn't want to continue to shame myself when that's all anybody has ever done to me, that's how I felt in the moment.
Uh, and so progress for me really just looks like having those moments of where I make a misstep. Like I misspelled somebody's name on an email, literally just today. And probably a year ago, two years ago even, I would've been reeling about that. I would've really beat myself up about it. [00:15:00] But today I am just laughing because it's like, you know, stuff happens.
I spent most of my life beating myself up. Spent most of my life being my own worst enemy and not continuing that cycle is really, is really what helps me push my growth further as I move along every single day and continuing, you know, the general supports of therapy and always, you know, continuing my coping skills 'cause there's never enough.
katie: Yeah. And can you name what some of those coping skills are? Those healthy coping skills that help you stay grounded when these big kind of feelings show up.
amanda: Yeah, of course. I think movement actually surprisingly, has been a huge one for me that I would've never thought. I've always had a very difficult relationship with my body doing parts of everything that I've been through, and being able to reset that relationship and really starting over [00:16:00] and trying to find what that relationship looks like with my body through like the gym and exercise and dancing and walking and things like that has been so beneficial for me. Breath was really hard for me for a very long time because what a lot of people don't tell you is that breathing can be uncomfortable when you've experienced trauma and that you literally have to learn how to do it all over again, and that's been really helpful.
Now that I've kind of learned how to do it a little better. It's been really, really, really helpful for me. So those are kind of like. My anchors right now, and I've been learning a lot of like more fun breath work stuff like lion's breath and things like that, that are really silly and fun and kind of, um, help my inner child.
I think anything that makes my inner child feel safe is kind of what I am inclined to do. And sometimes that just looks like curling up into a ball on the floor and hugging myself and crying. That's, that's a coping tactic too. Totally.
katie: Totally. And yeah, and just giving your, your younger child a sense of play it [00:17:00] sounds like.
Yeah. So that, that idea that, um, maybe you didn't, get to play as much or have as much, safety around to feel silly or joyful, um, and moment. And so we know just with the nervous system when we're regulated, play is one of the signs that we're regulated, right? Yeah. Like we we're feeling great and can you share a little about your typical mode of dysregulation and what that looks like so that people understand maybe why movement is what you need to go to where others might need something like meditation or something a little bit calmer to, to help them regulate?
amanda: Yeah. There's so many modes of dysregulation I experience even on a weekly basis that having a lot of tools in my toolbox are really important because each thing I have to do something different for.
So with my kind of dissociation that has been a part of me really my whole life but [00:18:00] lately it's been kind of rearing its ugly head of just struggling really, really badly to stay in the present moment and to really stay grounded and to stay focused and to really stay here because I, I, I value that dissociation part of me, and that's what I'm kind of like learning is, is to value these parts because they once kept me safe.
But being able to let them know that like, Hey, I'm in a safe place now. I'm not trying to make you go away, it's not necessary for you to be here right now. And a lot of the ways that I do that is through movement.
Sometimes it actually causes dissociation, so it can be a double-edged sword at times. Um, but that's been, that's been a real, a real help for me as well as connecting to my breath and positive self-talk really helps with my dissociation of having a conversation with myself being able to kind of tell that part of me like, Hey, it's okay.
We're not in any immediate [00:19:00] danger. I appreciate you being here in this moment. I would love if we could take a step back so I could come back to, you know, come back to Earth, is what I like to call my next dissociation going away.
katie: Yeah, and that idea that trauma does not have a timestamp. Mm-hmm. Because where it interacts in the brain, you know, particularly in the hippocampus, you know, we don't know sometimes if we're in 2025 or in 1998, were you alive to 1998, making sure.
Yeah. Um, right. So like, just reminding our brain. We are in the present moment. You know, I'm here, I'm safe. Uh, this is not then, this is now. So that, that kind of talking to yourself and reminding yourself in order to stay present and prevent that dissociation.
amanda: Yeah. I think, yeah, of course. And I think too, like with, with the emotional dysregulation that sometimes occurs, is there will be moments when my emotion will be way bigger than the current reality of what's going [00:20:00] on, and that the emotional reaction will not match up to my current reality.
And what I have found to be so helpful for me is to really meet myself in that space of that dysregulation or that emotional reaction and really calm it in a way that would be much like a child, because a lot of those emotions were like put down when I was a child. A lot of that emotional reaction was pushed away.
I wasn't allowed to have it. And so a lot of these emotional reactions that I do have are very childlike because I was never able to have them as a child. And so now I really meet them in that space of like helping them as if I was a child. And you know, that may look like holding myself when I cry or rocking myself back and forth and saying it's okay.
That may look like, hugging my partner and having him rub my back and telling me everything's going to be okay. It may look like that kind of connection [00:21:00] or holding a stuffed animal and crying while I lay in my bed. Like whatever really works in that moment for me to really help that childlike part of me process through that emotion that never got a chance to see the light of day.
katie: Yeah. And you've said, you know, that that grief is just an ongoing process, right? Yeah. And it, it sounds like that is really a space that you're holding for yourself right now is just the space to maybe grieve what, what, what you didn't have or what you didn't get. Um, what are some ways that you are also showing up for yourself today in 2025 and providing things that you need for yourself. You just mentioned like rollerblading for example, like stuff like that. What are some things that you're doing to show up for yourself today beyond those like highly charged emotional moments where you need to like take a step back and do some coping strategies?
amanda: Yeah, I [00:22:00] think a lot of that is like kind of what we spoke about earlier is honoring the the need to play. I think that's a big one of when I feel in those like silly, whimsical modes, like capitalize off of it. Like let me go rollerblading, um, let me go dance. Let me go to Kings Island, right? To ride a rollercoaster.
Let me go paint or color. I've spent a lot of time listening to music and coloring lately because it's like. What I always used to do when I was a kid and I wanted to get back to that. A lot of it too, you know, I've struggled with food a lot for my whole life and a lot of that looks like making new foods, trying new foods, which is, which is really big for me.
And food can be particularly dysregulating. But when I'm in that playful mood, I like to incorporate food and like new food or different food so that I can kind of like re reassess what my relationship [00:23:00] with food is and really rebuild that relationship back up of I'm in this really good mood, so I'm gonna try something new.
I'm gonna dance, I'm gonna rollerblade, I'm gonna do all these really fun things and I'm gonna watch these silly shows. That's another thing too, it's like I watch really corny, cheesy rom-coms that like, and I read young adult fiction novels where it's just like they're clearly written for, high schoolers or early college and it's about.
Two people falling in love, or friends to lovers or things like that. And just like reading those kinds of books really instills a lot of joy. And just finding pockets of joy in my life in ways that I was never really able to do. I know two birthdays ago I actually went to the aquarium for my birthday, and this year for my 30th birthday, I actually threw through a Y 2K themed birthday party. So we all dressed up in like super bright clothes and we all looked like Hillary Duff and Lizzie McGuire. And, and it was just so much fun. And [00:24:00] I put on like a Y 2K playlist and we really like leaned into that like, okay, we're like seven years old again and we're just gonna have some fun.
So we did, and that's what I did for my 30th birthday, because like those things are all so, so, so reparative to me.
katie: Beautiful. And I mean you, I love the word reparative. What would you say you, how do you feel when you do playful activities like that and, and how would you say that compares with maybe the feeling of being alive you used to have, you know, like what is it like to feel into those moments? And why is that different from, from previous stories of Amanda's life?
amanda: Yeah, I think, you know, in the beginning it felt really scary and it felt really unsafe because my body was not used to it. Every, you know, I can look back at my childhood and every moment of fun and whimsy and silliness was always overshadowed by [00:25:00] something sinister and scary.
And so I just take those moments to really honor that celebration and, and honor that progress that I've made and honor that little part of me who I keep a little picture on my desk and honor that little part of me that wants to play and that never got a chance to safely play. And so it feels really empowering for me, it felt scary at first, but it's empowering now that I've.
Practiced enough and kind of gotten over the hump of, of, ooh, this is scary. Like, I'm not supposed to be doing this. I'm not supposed to be playing. I'm not supposed to relinquish control, right? And so now, like by grounding myself in the fact that play is safe and fun is safe, and going to comedy shows and being able to like full belly laugh and like, you know, just finding those moments of, of safety and fun, um, has been really, really, really awesome.
And it feels. It feels really, really good. Like I've, and [00:26:00] it's kinda like a testament that I make to myself of all the progress that I've made.
katie: Absolutely. And I mean, would you say that in the past that would've triggered maybe dissociation or, you know, a full belly laugh at a comedy show would've maybe started, but then you would've been like, oh, there's something around the corner, I shouldn't be this happy or,
amanda: yeah, absolutely.
katie: Okay.
amanda: Absolutely. That's something that I would definitely, every, actually, there was a moment in time pretty recently where. Every time that I would actually like laugh and get into a moment of me, like, you know, when you're like with your friends and you're laughing so hard, you're like crying and you can't stop laughing, and it's such a wonderful, beautiful feeling.
There was a time when like every time that happened to me, I would start having a panic attack. And so it was such a, such a, such a black and white feeling of I'm literally crying because I'm laughing so hard in this moment, but I'm also like because I'm having a panic attack, but I'm still laughing 'cause it's funny.
And so like, there's just different parts of my brain that react so differently to things that [00:27:00] it's just so interesting to navigate. But now, in this moment, I would be able to really like full belly laugh and it be okay.
katie: Mm. And I, and I would just name, I can so relate to everything you just said and, and how you, how you named at first it's scary. And. Um, you know, the, the, the panic attacks and then moving forward and moving into it and not letting that be the thing that stops you.
amanda: Mm-hmm.
katie: I think is also, also also a testament to you. And that goes back to that value that you have of, I'm just gonna keep trying, I'm just gonna keep trying and knowing the resources, having the knowledge that this is the correct path forward and that let that guide you, not your maybe your body's reaction and kind of giving your body space to react that way and giving it some reassurance and then going back to that, this is a new timestamp. We're, we're making new memories here. Um,
amanda: and sometimes that's not possible.
[00:28:00] You know, sometimes they'll, there will be a moment where I'm not able to convince myself that it is 2025 and I'm 30 years old, and that's okay too. Like I have i've learned that fighting the panic attacks or fighting, you know, the, the repressed episodes coming back up really doesn't do well for me or my nervous system.
So allowing those to, to come and to move through, I have found much more effective for my journey of, you know, when I am having a panic attack, I used to really, really fight it off and like. Push it back and hold it down like, you're not gonna take over me. Like, you know, that kind of thing. But now I just kind of let it come and let it move through and it, and it just goes away so much quicker for me after when I just like sit with it and I'm like, okay, I'm freaking out.
Let me just do some coping tactics. Let me just sit in it, let me breathe. And a lot of times when those panic comes, I just really need to have a good cry. And a lot of times having a good cry for me will help the panic [00:29:00] attack. And then I'll be able to move through it a lot, a lot easier. So just
katie: so regulating, right?
Like yeah. Being able to cry fully and not stop, or not be like, I shouldn't be crying this much, but just releasing all of those tears.
amanda: Yeah. Exactly.
katie: The finish point.
amanda: Right. And I think there's something to be said too about the, the, the scary looming fear of, of having repressed memories. Knowing that at any time those could really come back until probably I'm old and gray, right?
And just kind of helping. Calm my nervous system and calm myself down of knowing that, hey, if that were to happen, it's not gonna be like it was when I was 13 years old because I have all of these tools now. I have so much at my disposal that's going to help me through that thing. Right. I have a really, really great therapist now that if anything really were to come up, we would be able to really tackle it head on.
So just kind of reminding [00:30:00] myself that hey, it's 2025. We're safe now. We have all of these tools. We have all these things at our disposal. And if something like that happens, it's okay.
katie: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you know, I wanna ask you, as you've built this future for yourself, you are future Amanda, you know, to that 7-year-old, are you trying to build a world beyond your own for others through your story? You know, because you've built this world that is now much safer and much more in your control, um, than it was when you were a child. Do you, in your work as a peer supporter, are you trying to also build that kind of world alongside others? Um, or what is your future kind of vision when it comes to sharing your story and sharing your voice, which you do so beautifully and do so well, and curious areas.
amanda: That's beautiful. Yeah. I think it started before I even knew peer support existed. I was, I feel like at heart I [00:31:00] was a peer supporter. I ran an open mic night when I was like 18, 19 years old. And the safe space that Ms. Dennis had created for me, I was then able to create for others. And they were sharing things, you know, that they're like, I've never told anybody this, but here I'm gonna tell it to a group of people.
And you know, just seeing. People have a platform to be heard and then to, as a result, be validated by the audience of like, snaps and like those, those verbal like, mm, kind of like agreements, you know, was such a beautiful experience for me. And And that's actually how I got the job at the recovery center, was through running that open mic night.
Um, one of the people who used to come to it worked at one of the behavioral health organizations here and was connected with the recovery center. And Bill who works here was actually looking for someone to run some after hours events. And so that's where I came in. And I found very quickly that using my, my voice and my [00:32:00] experience to help other people was a job description, was, you know, an actual job that I could have, which I never thought so cool. Ben always used to say, I didn't know having lived experience with mental health was something I could put on a resume was something that like was required to put on my resume, and so it was really cool.
It was really cool. Yeah.
katie: Usually it's a stigmatizing mm-hmm. Right. Aspect of, of a job or a resume and you would wanna sort of shield that. And you still hear today people in, in other professions hesitating to share stories of mental health publicly, uh, because there is a stigma mm-hmm. That if you've gone through something that means it can rear its head again and you know, you'll be a big problem as a, as an employee due to that. Now, for, from your perspective, what would you say to that fear that maybe other professions have in hiring somebody who [00:33:00] has publicly come out about their mental health, their recovery journey?
amanda: That's a really good question. I think there is so much resilience through the struggle. And I heard somebody say once, I can't remember who said it, but.
As a peer supporter, our wreckage is our resume. What we've gone through is a testament to the work that we are able to do. It is also a testament to how hard of workers that we are and how resilient we are and how adaptable we are to conflict and circumstance. And I think that is the biggest testament of lived experience is that, yeah, there may be days when backsliding happens, but we have tools in place to mitigate that.
And I have worked with people who have struggled with mental health, and I have worked with people who would not necessarily identify with having lived experience with mental health. And the difference is, is, is really, really apparent, at least to me, [00:34:00] um, of that resilience factor and of I just can see the empathy a lot more and you can see, wow, this person is really meeting me where I'm at, versus the, it's like the Brene Brown sympathy versus empathy, like mm-hmm. I would just show somebody that video and tell them this is exactly it. Like
katie: Brene Brown is often the answer to many questions.
Exactly. Um. Yeah. No, and I think that's that's so true. And, and I would also say, just to add to that, I think this is partly the point you're making is that many people who are in many adults have not maybe come to terms with their mental health journeys, um, enough to identify with them. Um, but those that have it often means.
Yeah. That they've addressed what's underlying a lot of our [00:35:00] relationship problems mm-hmm. Or our, um, inabilities to meet our goals or be successful head on. And so there's a lot of, um, I. I don't wanna say, you know, they're more likely to be successful on the job, but, um, their success is going to be more, they're gonna be more accountable for their own success and their own failures because they've taken a look at themselves closely enough to say, yep, these are things that I need to work on.
And that's what I think of oftentimes when I think of somebody who's come out publicly about their mental health challenges is, wow, they've done a lot of work. Yeah. Um, on themselves, which we, we all can do. Mm-hmm. Um, I'm wondering if you can kind of share a story or a time as a peer supporter where you felt that your journey and all of the healing and tools that you've learned along the way [00:36:00] came to play.
In another person's life and you were able to see how you could be a support for them in a way that maybe somebody who hadn't gone through all that you had been through would be able to support them.
amanda: Yeah, definitely. I think I see that a lot in my everyday here working as a peer supporter, especially in moments where I will have peers come to me in kind of a dysregulated state and I will sit with them and I will meet them in that kind of pain and, and validate their experience and I then them really feeling, feeling better and visibly looking better as they leave my office, I think is is amazing. I actually, you know, as we've been talking, I remembered another experience that I would love to share is I was working closely with a peer once a week. We were talking every week, and there was a lot of [00:37:00] underlying shame.
Being experienced underlying questioning of their dysregulation, why it was occurring. There was even some paranoia being experienced and they had not, at this point, self-disclosed a lot of what their experience was, but as they were speaking and what they were speaking about, I could really tell like, okay, we have very similar similar stories and maybe if it's not similar stories, similar ways in which our stories manifested for us. And so I really sat with them in that paranoia and that dysregulation. And I shared my personal experience, you know, I self-disclosed healthily I should do with a peer supporter. And I said, well,
katie: well what does that mean exactly?
Like, can you give that, um, some frame just so that those who don't know anything about peer support might understand? Because a therapist often doesn't disclose their personal story, right? Yes. And that's one of the differences, um, between peer support and therapy. So. [00:38:00] What would that, what would that look like in practice, um, for you to disclose and not project, you're not projecting onto them, of course.
Or asking them to hold your trauma. Um, yeah.
amanda: I, I like the, this little phrase that I coined real versus raw, where you talk kind of about the reel of what happened, but not the raw, open experiences. So for me in that moment, what that looked like is, you know, I was like, my parents, they were, they were very neglectful, which then led me to experiencing these emotions and that was really hard for me to deal with and this is kind of the way that I got through it. So it's very important for us as peer supporters to meet other people where they are, but to always use a resilience lens, right? To always use a. Kind of powerful, empowered lens on our self-disclosure. So it's [00:39:00] not sitting here and being like this and this and this, and this happened to me and, and then it made me do this, and it made me do that.
It's about really kind of getting curious about the other person's experience and then utilizing yours to make that connection. So with this person, as I kind of self-disclosed a little bit of my experience of, you know, I kind of feel that way sometimes too because of this thing and this is the situation that really helped me, or this is the coping tactics that I really did.
How are, how is that landing for you? Right? Does that feel like that resonates with you or, you know, and just asking those kind of follow up questions is really, really important because the point of peer support is to put the power into the hands of the peer, right, is to kind of help give them the tools to empower and uplift themselves, but really sit there and be a cheerleader for them along the way of saying like, I went through this and it made me do this, but this is how I came out of it.
[00:40:00] What does that look like for you? Does that look like that would land for you? Does it look like it would look very differently? What's worked for you? What hasn't worked for you? Let's work on this together. You know, let's have a meaning of the minds together of how we can get through this for you together, which is way different than therapy 'cause therapy is really. You know, getting into the nitty gritty of things and, and doing a lot of, a lot of processing and sometimes a lot of somatics and a lot of those other things. Whereas peer support is really just being a cheerleader and asking questions and, and letting the peer know that, Hey, you can do this.
And because I did this too, you can do that 'cause I've also been through it and I did it and I got to the other side.
amanda [audio captured from peer support session]: All right, welcome in. Thank you. So what's going on with you today? Well, do you mind if I eat my lunch while we talk? No, me too. Okay. Happy Friday. Happy Friday. Um, what's going on is Friday and that's usually a good [00:41:00] thing, but this weekend my girlfriend is at work and she works overnights and stuff, and all day.
So I, so I'm kind of concerned about this weekend because I have a lot of free time. Mm. What, what are you concerned about it? Well, I mean, for one being bored. 'cause when I get bored then I do weird stuff. Fair. Um,
Anything exciting that you'd want to do this week? That's a great question. Um, okay. Yeah. Yeah. There is, um, the Women's College World Series is going on a little bit over. Wow. Yeah, I know, right? Um,
What about pickleball? I know you like pickleball. I got any, I love pickleball pickleball plans as we go. No, I would like that you go to an open play. They have those all the time. I know they do. And they're near my house. You know what, I could do that.
you know what, having something to look forward to is a big deal. Mm-hmm. That's a nice thing. Absolutely. Uh, I wish there were football season, it'd be a lot easier. Do you want me to, um, get on
katie: As we wrap here, I wanted to just, talk about the community and the life that you're building for yourself and why it's so important [00:42:00] for everyone to build a community and life for ourselves outside of our mental health diagnosis, outside of our identity with a mental health or recovery journey.
So tell me what, what does that look like to sort of move on while still in healing and still in recovery, and always a lifelong journey? What does, what does that look like and why is that important?
amanda: For me, it has been a difficult journey that I'm still personally learning because as somebody who struggles with addiction, workaholism became very prominent in my life.
So a lot of my young adult life starting to work here was built around being in the helping Profe profession, working at the Recovery Center, being a peer supporter, it was my whole life. For a long time and I, you know, as one does burnt out and had to restabilize myself and re-figure out like, okay, what does community look like for me?
What does life outside of peer [00:43:00] support look like? My partner now really helped me out a lot with this, we've been together for about four years, so it's been a bit of a journey in discovering like I need to compartmentalize and I need to like put work away outside of work and I really need to invest in that play, right?
Invest in those really like community oriented things and not to make every friendship I have based upon us talking about our childhood or, or just. You know, talking about all of the stuff that we have going on, but traveling, going to concerts, going to shows, finding those kinds of community and music , and, and open mic nights getting back into what I liked to do.
And I think that's what we kind of help people here at the Recovery Center with and peer support tends to help people with is that we have like 40 hours of programming, all completely different types of classes. [00:44:00] Some of them are tools that you can utilize to help with your mental health journey.
Others are things like yoga and gaming for mental health. And Tai Chi. You know, right now outside my door, they're doing a weightlifting class, right? We have like so many different kinds of things
so it's just about kind of learning what you like again. And that's a big part of kind of what we like to do here and, kind of what peer support is all about, is like empowering people to find themselves again. And if not, again, for the first time, like for me, it's for the very first time I'm finding myself because I didn't feel safe enough and so it's offering people a safe place to be able to find themselves again, which is why I think peer support in community settings is so powerful.
katie: What do you think about this season of your life? What would you want your future self to, to know, to remember, if you're now imagining 60-year-old Amanda, well, gosh, what, what do you wanna say [00:45:00] to, to her?
amanda: Yeah. I think it's, it's so hard to think of myself at that age. 'cause I actually, when I was on my way into work today, did a visualization of me writing a post-it note on the window of my childhood home where I used to hide from everyone of saying, you're gonna be okay. And like putting it on the window for my younger self.
And so I'll take that visualization and kind of use it here in different way of having my 60-year-old self. Maybe write a note on the window right out here, the recovery center, or maybe write a note at the window of my apartment to say that you're gonna be okay and it's all gonna work out and you are going to live a rich full life, not riddled by a monotony and symptom management friendly.
katie: Ah, beautiful. You're doing good, right? You're doing amazing. Yeah. You're doing good work. Thank you. I love that. [00:46:00] I love that visualization of a post-it note for your younger self too, to put that in, in the window or the area where you used to kind of go to, to hide or to, to stay safe. Um, I might borrow that one myself.
Thank you so, so very much. I'm so grateful for all that you do and everything you do for the Hey, I'm Here campaign. All you've brought to this work, um, as a peer supporter and in Ohio, just the advocacy work you do is incredible. So thank you so much Amanda.
amanda: And thank you Katie. I really do appreciate all the opportunities for me to instill all of my knowledge in everything that I have learned to the youth of tomorrow, because I think, you know, like I said earlier peer support happens best in community, and that's really, really what you've built through the Hey, I'm Here campaign and, and everybody involved is just incredible. And this is something that would've truly, truly saved my life when I was in high school. If I were to have just a space where I could go and, [00:47:00] and learn tools for coping and then find other people who are like me, and then having all of these opportunities professionally to like go to conferences and, and learn, you know, how to be a facilitator.
So cool and so amazing and such an incredible opportunity, so I really appreciate it.
katie: Thank you so much, Amanda, for sharing how you've been doing the work. It's messy, it's real, and it's ongoing. join our peer support and youth led community at, Hey, I'm here ohio.org and please like and share, and subscribe, and review and all the things wherever you find our podcast.
